Well it's been about 6 months with still no answer as to why my heart isn't working properly.
I have to trust in what God has planned and trust that He is a good father, but honestly it has not been easy. You have to stand your ground and fight for your faith. There have been times when I have struggled but what keeps me going is that I know God has a plan for my life that only I am called to it. The devil will try to do anything to take you out! He will use offence, hurt, shame anything that will keep you away from God.
This is a verse that I have been reminded of recently:
Psalm 91:4 v 6
"He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday."
Sometimes its easy to read the bible and fully have faith in it, then when something bad happens its easy to question if it's true or not, or if God is real or not but I know God is REAL and He isn't dead. He loves you and he is so proud of you he is your Father calling you and pursing you! He knows you by NAME. Jesus came down to earth he was fully man but also fully God.
Jesus got the struggle of life. Jesus knows where you are at, he sees you in your situation and he is crying out for you!
The last verse spoke to me:
"Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday."
Living with congenital heart disease isn't something that I would of chosen to live with since I was born, and I can't change that. But I can't have it worrying in the back of my mind and I have to try and not let it control how I am feeling.
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.
I love this verse as it says "festive praise instead of despair..." I am in the place of despair but choosing to chase after God and to pursue him. I find when you stand your ground in worship you are fighting for yourself, you are declaring the promises of God over your life. I don't know when God will heal me but I am going to pray and be thankful that I didn't die when I was a baby when I had my heart operation.
I will leave you with this...
God has got it!